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Does anybody at this Seattle TV know how to write?

 


I know this is off topic, but I tried to read a story on komonews.com Wednesday about a complicated shooting related to a fire.    I couldn't get past the nce.lead sentence without saying, "Huh?"  Here is the sentence.  How many times does it take you to make sense of it??  

The man who was wounded in a shooting on Sunday in Lake Forest Park after a reported burglary at a townhouse complex near a home that caught fire hours earlier has been identified, according to a police update Wednesday.

First of all, it is passive voice.   The lead of the sentence should be "Police now say they have identified the man...."   That's active voice, where the subject does the action, i.e., police.

Given the complexity of this sentence, running 39 words, (that's a run-on sentence, BTW), how about this:

"Police now say they have identified the man shot Sunday in Lake Forest Park hours after a reported burglary and fire at a nearby home."   (25 words and readable).

OK, lecture over.  

Comments

  1. Your version is much more readable. It sounds like KOMO's website writers need to brush up on their english and grammer.

    ReplyDelete

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